A Tale of Two Clowns

Okay, so here we were, me and my buddy Pennywise over there, after a long hard and arduous day at Evil Conservative Clown College. We were bone tire, grease paint smeared, BoBo noses and goofy clown hair all disheveled from our grueling evil conservative clown exercises. Man, Prof Jingles is a freakin’ slave-driver!

He had us doing all kinds of shit like profit-taking; digging our way out of global warmongering propaganda; pushing down taxes; exercising our 2nd Amendment rights by continuously breakin ’em down, hookin ’em up, then locking and loading our Glocks – over and over and over again before we were allowed to take target practice on Islamofascist silhouettes. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that he was personally responsible for the welfare cuts! Damned!

Anyway, we were both just plain dog tired, thirsty, sweaty, and just wanted to get the hell outta there. So, we hop in the ol’ BoBo-Mobile to get us some suds at the local brew-house. It’s only about a couple miles from the Evil Conservative Clown College – so – we figure – what the hell – let’s floor this thing and live dangerously! Pennywise sticks his head out the window as we’re flying down the Interstate doing about 15mph! If you’ve never seen a clown stick his head out of a window of a clown car as they’re speeding down a highway at break-neck speed – you haven’t seen anything! OMFG! I thought Pennywise was gonna shit a bucket of confetti!

Now – I’ve got the pedal to the metal – we’re flying past all the pink flamingos in the ponds (could barely make them out we were going so fast) when all of a sudden, some asshole comes flying up behind us – gets the nose of his car right up on my BoBo-Bumper and lays on the horn! Well – me not to mince words – I give him the patented BoBo Finger out my window.

Not to be outdone – ol Pennywise pulls his head in, flips around, undoes all the big fuzzy clown buttons from his costume, removes the oversized clown gloves, and then sticks his lilly-white clown ass out of the window! That clown just cracks me up! Get it..”cracks” me up? Uhh…okay…evil clown humor. Anyway, the Florida love-bugs start smacking his ass – you can hear them hitting – thwap thwap thwap! But, this asshole behind us just continues laying on his horn! So, Pennywise just continues to shine that big ol’ moon of his out of the window. Just as Pennywise could hardly stand the bugs smacking his crack any longer – the dipshit behind us decides to pull along the side and pass.

It was right about that time as that freakin’ sonuvafemaledogloving asshole was sidling up along the passenger side of the car when Pennywise got the urge – I could see it in his face – eye’s bulging – getting bloodshot – grunting – hmmpph hmmmph –

All over the side of this guy’s car! And – what made it worse was this ass-hat had his window rolled down and was yelling all kinds of profanity that no clown should ever experience! Needless to say, he shut his mouth REAL quick after Pennywise got that last loaf-pinch in there! The driver of that other car was not looking real happy at this point in time! I thought clowns were supposed to make people laugh?!?!?! Bwahahahaha.

So – this guy speeds up, swerves in front of us, and immediately hits his breaks! HOLY SHIT! I could barely slow the BoBo-Mobile down and we almost tapped his back end there. As I sat there, a bit stunned, I saw them! All over the back end of his car. Then it all made sense:


Freakin’ Obamarama Kool-aid drinking racist terrorist loving asshole! Now my BoBo dander was really up! Pennywise threw his costume back on in a hurry – slid the coveralls back up over his lilly-white ass, fastened all the fuzzy buttons, put his over-sized clown gloves back on, and we proceeded to get out of the car to give this asswipe a piece of our minds (well, actually, it was meringue pies, but who really cares about semantics here anyway?). I got out on my side, Pennywise got out on his side – then – it started happening. I forgot – it was the BoBo-Mobile. All my friends started coming out of trunk:

Simple Simon – The Pie Man


Sausagehead – (This guy is really whack!)

Lionel – (He once bit the head off of a rubber ducky)

And they just kept piling on out. I can’t possibly list them all here – I’d run out of bandwith! There must have been about 20 clowns pop out of my car~ You should have seen the look on the marxist bastard’s face! Well, this guy was like most typical liberals – he started getting all bad ass at first calling us retards, idiots, clowns (Duh!), and mostly tried to say something about our intellect or lack thereof – I don’t know – I didn’t get it – perhaps it just was above me!

In any case, when push came to push, we started hitting him with everything we got – confetting, silly string, water, pies – you name it. He fell to his knees and just started bawling like a baby begging us to stop! Starting saying things about being a pacifist and lets make peace not war. He didn’t really mean any of those things he said as he passed by us. Started offering us carbon-credits! Like, what the freak do we need those for? It’s not like they’re really worth anything! My BoBo-Mobile runs on pure Eco-friendly Hydroflourocarbons and gets like 5 miles to the gallon. Why would I need carbon-credits? Who the hell would take them and for what?

So – Pennywise kicked the asshat in the head with his big soft clown shoes (Ever heard the funny squeaky noise when a clown shoe hits the forehead of a liberal ass-hat?) Actually, I wasn’t sure if it was Penny’s shoes or the libtard that was squeaking! In any case, we all turned around, piled back into the BoBo-Mobile and left that crying weasly wimp laying in a pile of clown confection. He was saying something about being sorry and that he would plant a tree in our honor?!?!? WTF? Oh well, at least we’ll have something else to piss on!

Despite all our troubles, those suds sure as hell tasted much better after that!

My Zimbio
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Nope! No Liberal Blogger Friday this week!

I know! I’m a slacker! I get it already! Actually, I’ve been so busy this week that I totally forgot to send an e-mail out to the individual I had hoped to “lure” over here. I promise, there will be a guest post next week.

In the meantime, for those of us who have some brains in our noodles and are actually not buying in to this whole global warmongering hoax – I have some good news – not that it will help anything immediately, but it is a start. Newt Gingrich has started a petition drive over at his website American Solutions. The petition drive is called “Drill Here. Drill Now. Pay less.” Go quickly, sign that petition! While you’re out there – get this cool button for your website:

Get the word out there and tell everyone you know to sign this petition. Here’s some of the background info I found on the website:

* The average price for a gallon of gas is now $3.94, this is $.74 higher than a year ago.

* The U.S. Congress has acted, but in the wrong direction. Last week, the Senate voted narrowly against reversing a moratorium on oil-shale development.

* Federal officials and industry experts estimate that up to 1.8 trillion barrels of oil is trapped in the region’s oil shale, or three times the proven reserves of Saudi Arabia.

* Laws and policies that restrict access to America’s abundant energy drive up the price of fuel and electricity. They cause widespread layoffs and leave workers and families struggling to survive, as the cost of everything they eat, drive, wear and do spirals higher.

There is also an embedded YouTube video out there where you can watch Newt explain the whole thing. So – I urge everyone to go out and sign the petition and then let others know!

Once you’ve done that – Go check out Vulcan’s Hammer’s site and see what a Cap & Trade bureaucracy will look like if the Lieberman-Warner (formerly the McCain-Lieberman) Bill passes

My Zimbio
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A BoBo "Told you so" Moment!

Perhaps you all remember this post I made a while back: Contains 10% of Ethanol or Less! What Crap! Perhaps you might recall one of the statements I made during that post was that I refuse to stop at any more gas stations and fill up if I see this sign because I have no idea what it might do to my engine since I have a 2005 Scion tC that was built prior to this whole ethanol thing. I was having one of these moments:

Well…here’s my BoBo Told You So moment from the KHOU Channel 11 Website– – –

ETHANOL FUEL MAY BE HARMING YOUR VEHICLE!!

By Leigh Frillici / 11 News

HOUSTON — It is bad enough that gasoline is hovering around $4 a gallon, but the ethanol blend of gas pumped into many cars – containing up to 10 percent of ethanol – is also causing problems.

Which was concerning news to motorist Lakesha Lewis.

“Actually, I thought it was supposedly better,” said Lewis.

Experts 11 News spoke to said, not necessarily.

Consider a car sitting in the David McDavid Nissan’s repair shop.

The driver had problems starting it and that did not surprise mechanic Billy Deremer.

He said the ethanol-blended gas does not burn as well as fuel without the additive. As a result, the vaporous residue has gunked up a good car. (emphasis mine)

“It doesn’t break down as good, so more carbon deposits are inside the intake (valves),” said Deremer.

And fixing it isn’t cheap. Deremer said the cost to get your engine back up and running after the gunk could be $650 to $1,000.

Then there are the high-end cars serviced by Silvio Bucheler. He said the ethanol-blended gas is wreaking havoc with BMWs, Mercedes and Audis that he services.

“It just dirties up the oil quicker, therefore you have to change to oil more often,” said Bucheler.

And if the oil isn’t changed?

“You get that sludge build up. It clogs the lube ports, the ventilation system,” said Bucheler. “It can ruin an engine.”

And no one wants that, especially from a fuel that was supposed to help us all pay less for gas.

So – don’t ever say that The BoBo didn’t warn ya! Instead of saving us money – which it really hasn’t if you read the previous post – it will cost you a helluva lot to repair your engine if you use this crap that they’re trying to force down our throats and engines!!!

My Zimbio
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The BoBo of The Week Award!

Today is BoBo of The Week Award Thursday!!!! Alright! Well, in going with last week’s theme regarding 9/11 truth deniers…this one is REALLY out there. I thought that muslim guy from last week had some doozies – wait until you hear this!

Sending out a big h/t to Jason Buckley from Washington Interns Gone Bad. He sent me the link to this a couple weeks ago. I really should have put this one up last week instead. I really don’t know how to fisk this thing at all. While Paula Gloria does have her own website, all I really have to go on here is the audio of a show that she did earlier in the month. Howard Stern gave this woman 1 hour to talk about her 9/11 “truth.”

All I can say is – OH MY FREAKIN’ G*D!!!!!!! I’ve embedded the YouTube video of the show here for your viewing and listening pleasure as well. I would like to actually send this woman the BoBo Award code – but – her website is so new – she hasn’t even posted an e-mail addy! Wait until you hear this shit – she thinks that 9/11 didn’t really happen and that it was all cartoons. She’s absolutely serious!

In any case, this is The BoBo of The Week Award Winner:

or you can go out to this site to download the audio.

http://www.mediafire.com/?m1b4wcfjzne

My Zimbio
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So, what is the solution?

I’m ready to pull out my BoBo hair – what little is left of it! I am getting really tired of this “them vs. us” attitude of our elected officials. When the hell are they going to do what is right for the American people as a whole rather than thinking about themselves and a small minority of the country?

One of the greatest things about hosting guest liberal bloggers here on Fridays is that I have gotten to meet some great individuals. What I have found is that while they hold some liberal views, we do agree on many things.

No, this is not a BoBo the Evil Conservative Clown is a closet liberal kind of post. What this is about is the fact that many of our liberal friends do share some conservative views (whether they will fully admit it or not) just as we conservatives do sometimes agree on some social issues that the liberals like. (Surely, none of my conservative friends out there can deny that we should help the underprivileged and underserved). The major difference between liberals and conservatives is how we accomplish the goals we commonly agree on. Again, I’m not talking about our liberal and conservative/democrat and republican politicians. I’m talking about the average American citizens.

When we talk to our neighbors, putting all politics aside, there is much common ground between us. Over the last 16 years the so-called elected officials and the main-stream media have done an excellent job of dividing this country into Liberals & Conservatives or Democrats and Republicans – and then there’s everyone else. They have taken their “us versus them” politics on the hill and put it into our living rooms. The adage “united we stand, divided we fall” comes to mind here. The politicians have divided us and therefore have attempted to conquer we regular every-day citizens of America. They lulled us into apathy for a long time. The Hollywierdo’s aided them by putting crappy, unimportant drivel on the idiot box. We became all too consumed with reality TV which in all reality has absolutely nothing to do with reality!

What is happening all across this nation is a slow awakening. People are starting to tune in to Washington D.C. now and realizing just how crooked both sides really are. The Democratic Party has been hijacked by the hard-core leftists such as the Moveon.org types leaving your regular working-class Democrats trying to figure out what has happened to their party. People like Joe Lieberman and Zell Miller are leaving their party. In the meantime, the Republicans have been hi-jacked by some really hard-core people on the right. Republicans have lost their way and it too has left the regular working-class Republican wondering what happened.

Special interest groups have taken over both major parties. Conservative Republicans have rejected their presidential candidate. Moderate Liberal Democrats reject Obama because of his far-left marxist views and social policies. Based on his voting record, he has been voted as the most liberal politician in D.C. Those who are supporting Obama are essentially rejecting Hillary because of who she is. Those are the individuals who can see what Republicans have been trying to tell everyone for years about the Clintons. They are self-serving politicians who are only out for one thing, and one thing only, power. They could care less about Americans. However, many of the Obama supporters only do so because they will toe the party line and vote Democrat regardless of the issues – and they reject Hillary – so they vote for “change” even though Obama represents the same old politics of D.C.

While Conservatives have openly stated they will not vote for McCain come November, we still have yet to hear from those Liberals and Democrats who will not vote for either Obama or Hillary. I’m sure they’re waiting to see who wins the nomination. However, I fully believe there are many Democrats out there who feel the same as many Republicans – they’ve been abandoned by their party as well.

So – this comes back to the original question – what is the solution? The vast majority of Americans in this country do not identify with their respective parties any longer. We are neither hard-core left, nor are we hard-core right. We are the guys in the middle who bust our asses every day to keep food on the table, clothing on our families backs, and roof over our heads. We are the little guys who cringe whenever we pay $4.00/gal at the pump. As average working-class families where both mom and dad work outside the home, we have two cars that we have to fill up each week. This means we spend anywhere between $100 – $150 or more a week just in gasoline to get to work. That is $5,200 – $7,800 a year just for freakin’ gasoline. Not to mention the fact that the price of food has gone up as well. Inflation is going up and our 3 – 5% annual raises are not catching up with the rise in the cost of living.

We are having these problems because of Washington, D.C. You cannot blame this on the Bush administration alone. We are where we are now because of policies from the Clinton era (we are not allowed to drill for oil anywhere in this country, we are not allowed to build new refineries anywhere in this country, and we are not allowed to build new nuke facilities without it costing taxpayers billions) in addition to the fact that he opened up trading with China and granted them “Most favored nation” status. Many of our jobs went overseas because of this Clinton policy. Clinton was also responsible for NAFTA, which as Perot so foretold, “sucked millions of jobs out of this country.”

The Bush administration continued the NAFTA policies and the China trade policies. Bush went so far as to propose CAFTA and is now working on a Superhighway that goes from Mexico right on up to Canada. One of the worst policies ever implemented by the Bush administration is the “No Child Left Behind Act” which actually has left millions of kids behind. They forced millions of kids to drop out of high school. We are now at a national drop-out average rate of 33%. This is a 150% increase since this so-called education bill was approved and implemented.

How the hell did we as a people allow all of this to happen? How did we become so disengaged with our elected officials that we let them do whatever the hell they wanted? Liberals and Conservatives; Democrats and Republicans alike all across this country are now scratching their heads trying to figure out how we got in this mess, and moreover, how the hell do we get out of it? We’ve been so divided that we can’t even seem to find a way to meet in the middle any more. McCain is not our answer. He is a lifelong politician and will only do what he feels is best for himself. He has spit on Conservatives all the way – so – no – don’t tell me that he can reach across the aisle and work things out. That’s bullshit! He’s just another damned politician saying what he thinks people want to hear.

We as a nation need to find a way to come together and get rid of those minority senators and congressmen who do not represent us and our views. We don’t need to wait until the next elections. According to the way the constitution was set up, the Governors of each state can recall the representatives at the will of the people. We have Senators and Representatives with such socialist views that they want government to take over corporations. There are those who are so marxist they want to dictate what we eat, how much we eat, and also want to control our thermostats. Essentially, there are those on the left that are so pro-big government they want the government to control our lives. Likewise, there are those who are so far on the right they want to control a woman’s right to choose, they want to control a family’s right to choose when it is time to let a loved one who is brain dead die, they want to control through a constitutional amendment who has the right to marry. Essentially, there are those on the far right who want to take over the rights that are generally afforded to the states and to the people of those states.

I don’t know exactly what the answer is, but I know the solution is for those of us in the majority to stop conceding our rights to the minority. We need to find a way to get the message out and organize as one group. How many times have we heard someone on the radio or TV say, “I’m only one person. How can I possibly make a difference?” There are more of us saying that than there are who are actually pleased with the way government is running. Congress has an approval rating of 16% – an all-time low. That means that 84% of Americans disagree with them! Again, Congress is operating based on the minority and special interest groups. 84% of us want change in our Government. Obama, Hillary, and McCain as a President will not change Congress. Only We the People can change Congress. If anyone out there knows how we can break this strangle-hold, please let me know. I know I’m not the only one out there that feels this way!

My Zimbio
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Memorial Day!

Well, today is Memorial Day. How many times will you hear Happy Memorial Day today? It just seems customary for everyone to automatically say Happy (insert holiday here). But, do you think those people who say that to you today really mean it?

Is today really a happy day? Afterall, what exactly is Memorial Day? Today is a day where we honor our fallen heroes. Today is the day where we remember those who have died during the course of active military service and gave their life in sacrifice for yours, your parents, your grandparents, and for future generations to come.

These great people died in the course of war defending freedom and democracy, not just for America, but for all those who are oppressed in other countries as well.

So, is today a happy day? Should we be telling everyone “Happy” Memorial Day today? Today is more than just another day off from the office. Today is more than just barbecue’s and spending time with friends and family. Make sure you take time today to remember our soldiers in an honorable manner. Afterall, they died for all of us. Regardless of whether you are an anti-war protestor, the fact of the matter is that all of these soldiers died for your freedom as well and for your right to protest them and their mission. Pay tribute to them in an honorable and just manner. Visit your local cemetary and locate the headstone of a veteran and pay tribute to him or her. Go to a memorial day parade and just honor the memories as the survivors pass by in the parade. Or, if you don’t really want to do that, visit a website like the one where I found this image – The American Walk. This is a site dedicated to the memory of those who have fought and died for our freedoms.

Yes, today actually is a happy day. Today, in addition to honoring the memory of our fallen soldiers, we also celebrate our freedom, the freedom they paid the ultimate price for.

Happy Memorial Day
My Zimbio
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Man-Hating, Hairy-Legged, Bra-Burning and Other Feminist Stereotypes

Warning: This is a guest post. I would first like to thank BoBo for handing his blog over today and giving me the opportunity to bring a little feminism on over to The BoBo Files.

Now on with the show…

Upon meeting new people or even speaking with acquaintances who don’t know me very well, I always tend to say something that causes a raised eyebrow, a sigh and a “You’re a…FEMINIST!?” response. I then notice slight cringing and shifty eyes.

Some women who identify as a feminist found feminism through a friend, a book, trying to get emergency contraception over the counter and walking away dumbfounded when a conservative pharmacist refused to give them what they were paying for based on personal morals. I, however, was always a feminist. I was a feminist before I knew the term feminism existed and just knew what I believed–That being that all women deserve full control over their own bodies, deserve equal pay for equal work and must be seen as well as heard–And anything less is unacceptable. As I learn more and more about feminism, I know it’s going to be a part of me throughout my life, no matter how many other waves the media tries to give it in hopes of splitting up a unified group of people that all agree on one thing–That human rights also ironically enough, includes women’s rights.

Of course my feminist alter ego cannot be seen by the naked, “normal people” eye and of course, they also don’t know about my superhuman feminist super powers. But am I a good guy (or woman) or am I a villain on a path of destruction to convert all fertile women to my side and escort them personally to the nearest abortion clinic?

When it comes to stereotypes, feminism has quite an impressive list to show for itself. The Guerilla Girls wrote an entire book on female stereotypes and as time goes on, people are just finding new and interesting words to refer to women as, and here’s a hint: It’s never “equal.”

As soon as someone digests the word “feminist” without knowing much about the word itself or the history behind it, they tend to most often think of historical stereotypes that frankly, do not apply in most cases anymore. You’ve probably spoken to a number of feminists in your lifetime and never even knew it because unlike what most people tend to think, you cannot see the leg hair poking out from beneath our pantsuits.

If you happened to stroll on by Washington during a March for Women’s Lives, you would most definitely not see a bunch of lesbian women with their heads shaved with pitchforks and torches with men hanging by their balls from giant crucifixes crafted into female symbols with burning white cotton bras surrounding them as they chant about finally bringing the male population to a standstill and conversing happily about world domination.

By being a feminist, it means that you care for the wellbeing and for the rights of all women, as well as for all men, since I also noted earlier that feminism is indeed about human rights. If men were oh, I don’t know, still making as much as 30% less than women in a society that claims to be gender equal, the women population who felt that this was unfair to men would most definitely be speaking up; which is precisely what has happened with a percentage of the male population who identify as a feminist.

To identify as a feminist, you do not need to be female. In fact, I know (and read the blogs of and love) male feminists. To identify as a feminist, you simply must feel it in the core of your being that women no longer deserve to be treated any less than how men are treated and as it has been seen during the Democratic presidential primary, misogyny and sexism are not lost on the American public.

Hopefully you’ve learned a thing or two from this post, and if not, I write about this stuff a lot so head on over to Menstrual Poetry and check out some other posts on feminism, current events, politics, the presidential candidates, the war in Iraq and more!

My Zimbio
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